In a Summer Haze
by TheGreatFlyingKiwi
Summary: They didn't know about the pieces of her that her friend Javier Esposito had to help pick up off the floor and glue back together. Beckett&Esposito, Beckett&Castle


**A/N Let me just make it clear first off that I am completely and utter a Castle/Beckett fangirl, it's just I have this weird thing for side ships (and it doesn't help that Stana and Jon are dirty flirts). And no I don't think any of this is really canon, well yes I do think there is something between Esposito and Beckett, just not to this extent.**

**Just some moments that I hope you enjoy. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, ABC does. All grammar and spelling mistakes are my own.**

* * *

><p>It was his first day at the twelfth.<p>

The scars from his partner's disappearance were still fresh but he wasn't going to let them get in the way of his job.

The twelfth precinct was a lot different to his old one.

He guessed it was better that way.

Captain Montgomery had been sympathetic to his situation. Said that cops grew stronger from these kinds of things or some kind of bullshit. Javier appreciated his concern but assured him he was ready to jump into the next case with all his effort. The captain assigned him with some scrawny white kid Kevin Ryan to go do some procedural suspect background checks.

Ryan was a nice enough guy. Kind of nervous, inexperienced, wasn't good with jokes, but nice enough.

All of this was going to get some used to.

* * *

><p>Ryan soon proved to be a worthy ally.<p>

Underneath that jittery rookie cop was a calculating, smart man. Their first takedown together had been one to remember. They had somehow managed to arrest a burly group of bikers with no back up and little experience of being in a scuffle together. But they had both made it out in one piece, their tentative friendship growing stronger.

Finally feeling like he had a reliable comrade here, Javi decided to go out for drinks with the rest of the guys once the case closed.

It was actually more fun than he expected it to be. Going out for drinks with 54th cops usually meant a bunch of tipsy middle aged men going through each detail of the case, complaining about what had gone wrong, who should be fired etc. Alcohol seemed to bring out the negative side of the work they had done. This was completely different with the guys from the 12th. They seemed to relish in their victories, drinking and laughing together, almost like reminding each other that the horrors they witnessed each day weren't the only side of the human nature.

Ryan seemed to loosen up more after a couple of beers. The two soon set to work checking out the eligible woman in the bar after toasting with everyone else to a case well done. After Ryan pointed out a few lurking around the pool table, like birds of prey circling for the kill, and Esposito failed to spot anyone worth while chatting up mostly because they were significant others of fellow colleagues they decided maybe cop bars weren't the best place to pick up chicks.

That was until he noticed the beautiful, long legged woman at the bar talking to the barman while sipping at her drink.

"Hey man, what about that fine looking senorita over there?"

"She works in our department dude." Ryan had laughed.

He didn't know how he could have missed the dazzling brunette around the bullpen. That slight figure leaning up against the counter, dark hair shining and a backside he couldn't tear his eyes away from.

"Oy Beckett!" Ryan called out to her.

Javi felt his mouth go dry as she walked, no, _sauntered _over to the two of them.

"Hi Ryan." she smiled, he gaped, "and I guess you're the new guy around here."

"Detective Esposito, Javier Esposito. I just transferred from the 54th." he managed to pry the words out of his mouth, hoping they didn't sound as shaky as his stomach.

"Well Detective Esposito," those green eyes sparkled, her voice curling around each syllable torturously, "You want to get us all another round?"

He was putty in her very capable hands.

Over the course of the rest of the evening he found himself beginning to become accustomed to all things Beckett.

She was unpredictable; quick witted and sharp tongued, plus knew her way around a pool table. Even though she was one of the few female cops in the bar, and in the department, she was just like one of the boys. Except for the three inch heels, tight fitting jeans and the slight see through blouse that had just enough of the top buttons undone giving him a glimpse at the soft skin beneath.

Kate Beckett was a force to be reckoned with.

He hadn't met anyone like her before.

After getting over his initial nerves the three of them slipped into an easy rapport. Their voices mingled with the music of the pub, clinking of glasses, shoes against the hardwood floor and the various barks of other cop's laughter. Beckett was a catalyst in him seeing a more fun side of Ryan; there was a lot more to the straggled Irishman then the endless paperwork and innocent expression. Javi even found himself coming out of his shell a bit more. Amongst the happy crowd he started firing off stories about the strange cases they'd dealt with at the 54th (he was spurred on by the fact that the female detective seemed to drink every word in about the abnormal murders). The pang of loss that usually stabbed at his chest every time he even thought about his old work buddies was numbed by the friendly crowd, the perky blue eyed rookie and the formidable woman sitting across him with eyes of green.

For the first time since he found out that his partner had disappeared Javier felt kind of whole again.

* * *

><p>The twelfth was a lot more different to his old precinct.<p>

Things were a lot more relaxed. They still conducted their work with professionalism and care but the whole bullpen seemed to be very close, something he did not have over at the 54th. Everyone had their own problems to worry about but still managed to lend a hand if they saw that someone needed it.

Once he had finished observing the dynamic while doing tedious but compulsory paperwork, he took to watching Detective Beckett.

He really did not know he had missed her before meeting her at the bar.

She certainly lived up to her title as the best detective there that the Captain had bestowed upon her. There was always some important case she was working on, either that or striding through the bullpen with those ridiculous heels like she had somewhere very important to be just came naturally.

When she wasn't hot on the trail of some murderer she was tucked in at her desk with mountains of files and a mystery novel or two scattered in between.

The detective always seemed completely absorbed into anything she was doing.

Maybe that's why he had missed her. She blended into the precinct background, just like she belonged there as much as the desks, murder boards and ever ringing phones.

* * *

><p>Getting called into work at four in the morning was one of the downsides of being a cop.<p>

That was until you got told you were going to this particular crime scene to work with Detective Katherine Beckett.

He didn't mind getting up so early then.

The murder was bloody and brutal. A body twisted and broken on the ground in a dark alley, full of holes, but completely covered in bright colored painted polka dots.

He soon learned that Beckett liked the weird ones.

Arriving at the scene only minutes after Ryan and him, Javi barely had given her the first few details about the crime before she was already theorizing suspects and plotting out the attack. He could barely keep up as she gave them various orders and instructions and then was back in her Crown Vic to go see the next of kin.

Thank god for Ryan. The two had stuck together ever since Javi was first assigned to him. Their very different investigating styles synchronized well and he realized that the rookie and him had almost as strong a working relationship as he and his old partner had.

He wondered if Beckett had ever had a partner.

* * *

><p>He will always remember the first time he saw her in the interrogation room. Tall, elegant, graceful and with a predatory gleam in her eye. She was almost feline in there.<p>

Javi wanted to watch her forever. She identified the suspect's weaknesses within the first few seconds of questioning and then picked at it until they finally broke.

They were powerless to her from the start.

They had no chance.

* * *

><p>After that first case together the Captain realized the three detectives worked well as a unit, so he began assigning them together more until finally they were more or less an unofficial team. Javi grew used to the early morning work calls to rush to the next abnormal crime scene, the late nights with Ryan, sifting through seemingly meaningless information until they hit that new lead. The twelfth's interrogation room was now as familiar to him as the parts of the city they canvassed looking for anything and everything.<p>

Javier learned that Beckett worked alone. No one could match her fast calculating mind and unbeatable spirit.

Some days _he_ wished he could be the one to keep up with her.

* * *

><p>It was a late summer night when he found her sitting on the floor of the evidence room, her make up slightly smudged, her mask lowered a little.<p>

He sat down beside her in silence; she wasn't one to be pushed to do anything. She would talk if she wanted.

Resting his head back against the wall he took in her profile. Her dark hair brushed against her shoulders and created a contrast with her pale tearstained face.

She had been crying.

Seeing someone who he had always thought of as unshakable stirred something deep inside him. A want to protect her (a notion which was kind of ridiculous in itself, the last thing that Kate Beckett needed was someone to help her protect herself) and want to make her know that she wasn't alone.

He didn't know how long they sat on the evidence room floor that night. It could have been minutes, hours, maybe even a whole lifetime.

For usually a pretty driven guy, Javier didn't mind so much wasting time with Kate Beckett.

He was just about to break and ask her what was wrong before she spoke.

"Will's gone."

Will, Will Sorensen, that FBI Agent boyfriend of her's. He had seen them together at the bar they go to sometimes after work. The guy had also dropped into the bullpen occasionally to pick her up for dinner or help out with a case. Javi felt a sudden surge of hatred go through him at the thought that any man could be so cruel to make Kate Beckett cry.

When he didn't reply, Beckett continued talking, "He got offered a promotion out of the city. He assumed I'd go with him. When I didn't, I guess, I guess, he realized that I wasn't worth staying for."

That did it.

"Beckett look at me." he said gently but forcefully. "No-one, you hear me; no-one has the right to make you the right to make you feel like this. I know I'm not great with this whole advice thing, but, Kate, Kate you're a, you're a breathtaking person. You can't let anyone knock you down; you're too strong for that."

She gave a short laugh that sounded more like a hiccup from the crying.

"You really think I'm breath taking?" she asked, her green eyes sparkling with tears.

He nodded hoping he hadn't pushed too far; he had never dealt with this side of Beckett before and didn't want to screw it up.

"The most breath taking person I know." he added with a grin.

"Now you're just being a dick." she mirrored his teasing expression and elbowed him in the side.

Javi let out a small sigh of relief at her change in demeanor. The two of them sat there for a wee while longer before he got up and offered her his hand to pull her up too (which of course she declined, Kate Beckett can do almost everything herself). The look of thanks she shot him once they were back in the break room with Ryan sorting through files was all he needed.

Nothing beats feeling like Beckett's knight in shining armor.

Most people in the precinct knew about the relationship between Sorensen and Beckett. Most of them knew about the break up. They would say how well she dealt with her long term boyfriend leaving her. How she always turned up to work on time and completely focused. How her emotional state seemed the same, she was the same; no silly FBI agent could shake the unshakable Detective Beckett.

They didn't know about the pieces of her that her friend Javier Esposito had to help pick up off the floor and glue back together.

* * *

><p>They flirted. They were both good looking people. Smart, attractive people who liked to flirt. So they flirted.<p>

Javi had never thought the attraction would never go anywhere past innuendoes.

Maybe it wouldn't have if Ryan hadn't taken that day off sick.

Javi hadn't foreseen how Ryan's chest infection could be beneficial to him in bedding his gorgeous colleague, but man how he had appreciated the one time Ryan's health had got the better of him. But Ryan need not know what his absence bought about in the bullpen.

It had always been the three of him so when one corner of the dynamic wasn't there, the two of them were able to explore their attraction fully.

This basically meant him feeling her up in the locker room before finally going back to her place and getting to touch that smooth skin under her work clothes that he had so often fantasized about.

It had been inevitable.

The bullpen was hot and stuffy from the summer sun and spurred their hormones along. It started with hidden smiles and a seemingly innocent game of footsies under the desk while going through some case files. It then developed into heated whispers dropped in each other's ears while they came in and out of the bullpen between call outs. It ended after finishing up for the day and her reeling him in with her eyes, pulling him down to the empty gym space where they sparred until he had her up against the wall, her mouth fused to his. It was one of the most mind blowing make out sessions he had had in a long time. He had no idea how he was ever going to be able her look at her again across the bullpen, the interrogation room, or a crime scene for that matter without begging her to jump his bones right there and then.

Amongst the hungry kisses and the way she moaned his name they managed to hold back ripping each other's clothes off until they got back to her apartment.

Once they were there, each other's bodies' were fair game.

He could still remember as clear as day her fingers running down his shirt until they reached his belt, lurking there, her fingernails brushing against his lower abdomen until finally pushing them up his bare chest until his shirt was off. Her flimsy blouse hadn't lasted long, nor had that darned black lacy bra that he had sometimes caught glimpses of when he stared down at her at just the right angle. Not that he made a habit of staring at her rack at work or anything.

Not much anyway.

The fun, flirty game they had been playing all day didn't stop once their clothes were off. His fingers danced across her skin sending her into fits of giggles only to be silenced by his mouth on hers. She could do amazing things with her tongue, he could barely concentrate on her in front of him as it went down lower and lower until she popped back up to run her hands over his head (she seemed to dig his shaved head) and kiss him senseless all over again.

Their sweaty limbs tangled together creating a delicious friction. She was even more beautiful than he had imagined, a great big smile lighting up her face as he ran his lips across her shoulders and rocked inside of her. He wants to touch every inch of her, engrain it in his mind so he never would forget it.

When they had finally exhausted each other, they flopped across her bed, sheets strewn between them. He was taken aback by how comfortable he felt with her, and she with him. It should have been at least somewhat awkward, two colleagues doing the dirty, even just two friends finally crossing that line.

But as she beamed that contagious smile at him and fired off another dirty joke he found himself laughing and joining in, realizing that this is just the way things were with them.

They spent the rest of the night, and most of the next morning laughing and talking in their own innuendo ridden language until finally she had told him that they should probably get some sleep (he took this as his exit, grabbed his clothes and made sure she got a good look at his ass as he sauntered out).

* * *

><p>He hadn't known what to expect at work the next day.<p>

The humor filled high they had been on warned off shortly after he returned home. He tried his best not to over think it, people have sex all the time right? It didn't have to mean anything, or did it? Javier was by no means a relationship expert but when she didn't bring it up or hint to it at all while the three of them were at the murder board together (Ryan had bounced back from his chest infection, which unfortunately meant no footsies under the table with Beckett) or mention it while just the two of them were discussing one of their leads he knew he should probably clear the air. When he tried to bring up the subject tentatively in the break room in-between doing post case paperwork she gave him a look that basically said 'We-had-sex, so-what?'

He was taken aback by her attitude towards what had happened. After thinking about it some more he realized this was classic Beckett. Think through the situation thoroughly, treat any matters of the heart like a case, be the one in charge. An in office hookup would be treated with the same detached professionalism as she treated everything else in her life.

But the flirting didn't stop. Ryan's renewed presence had stopped it from being so obvious but the twinkle in her eyes was still there.

So Javi began to rely on the desire that what had happened last night could happen.

* * *

><p>And it did.<p>

It was after a case again.

She drew him with lust filled looks across the hazy bar which he was positive weren't directed at Ryan. The alcohol on her lips had tasted wonderfully sweet as he had ravaged her in the alley way behind the bar before she dragged him to side of the road to hail a taxi cab.

This time was going to be quick and dirty. He had struggled to keep his cool in the back of cab as her lips found their way to the pulse point on his neck and nipped there. Her fingers were drawing distracting patterns on the inner thigh of his jeans and her whiskey laced breath tickled the skin around his ear. He could not comprehend how she could change her no nonsense office demeanor to this temptress who could render him speechless with just the sound of his name on her lips.

He had barely managed to make it to her apartment door before ripping off her clothes and taking her on her living room floor.

* * *

><p>Everyone knew about Beckett's mother's case.<p>

Well, everyone except him.

She didn't go around telling everybody, but somehow everyone at some point had heard about the mysterious murder of Johanna Beckett and how it had torn her daughter up. It was well known in the twelfth.

It's not that they had kept it from Esposito, it's just everyone had assumed he already knew.

But he didn't.

Not until she told him herself.

She had only come into work for only the morning that day, sitting quietly at her desk going through the never ending stream of paperwork. He hadn't understood what was going on with her, and not wanting to allude to his dangerously potent attachment to the Detective he hadn't asked anyone else if they knew, but rather called her himself and asked her if she wanted him to bring around some dinner.

They had been sleeping together for a couple of weeks now. He wanted to see her every night, but not wanting to push it, only came around when she invited him those few nights a week.

When she answered the door to him, he could see something was wrong. She just seemed, different. Smaller, he felt the urge just to wrap her up in his arms, but he wasn't that kind of guy. So he just took the takeout food he had bought and put it on the living room table. She sat down on the couch beside him and seemed to deflate into the cushions.

"You okay?" he asked while handing her a bowl of mushu pork.

She took it slowly and nestled it on her lap. Sighing she began to speak.

"Eight years ago today, my mom was murdered. They, uh, the detectives who worked on her case never found out who did it. They pegged it down to gang violence, but I'm sure it was something more."

He sat there stunned. He didn't know what to say.

"Becks..." he began but she shook her head.

"You don't have to say anything Javi, I don't need anyone's sympathy."

"Do you want me to leave?"

She looked over at him, her head resting against the back of the couch, her hair framing her face in the most beautiful way he just wanted to lean over and kiss the pain off her face.

She slipped her hand into his and smiled.

"No. I like you Javi; you're good to be around. It's nice having someone around actually, a friend."

Being referred to as a friend might not have been what most guys would have wanted to hear the woman they are sleeping with say but Javier was over the moon at her words. He wanted to be one of the people she could count on. That night they didn't have sex like they usually do, just sat on that couch and ate their take out. They didn't talk much; they weren't people for heart to hearts, finding it much easier to operate in light hearted banter. The noise of the TV was enough. They didn't like cuddle like most couples, not that they were a couple or anything. They just sat there, content.

Content with the thought that they had a true friend in each other, that they weren't alone.

* * *

><p>She never let him forget the time that he couldn't take down a large suspect at a freight yard, and Ryan had to call her in for help. With one firm kick of her high heeled shoes she had the man on his knees and arrested for five murders.<p>

Javi told her heels were ridiculous. She told him that his opinion didn't matter because she did such a damn good job in them that it didn't matter.

He would then tell her that they do make her look pretty hot and she would respond by throwing a pen at his head.

* * *

><p>Sometimes they just went out for a couple of beers. They always found the right beat between the hum of the surrounding bar and sewed threads of conversation in between.<p>

He found out that her world was in shades of grey. Some more bold and defined, and others torn and faded together years ago that made it hard for her to see sometimes the difference between her job and her own life.

He knew some of the colours of his. The vivid oranges and reds of the evils he saw on the job. Scarlet blooming across a man's chest on the battlefield, orange jumpsuits lined across the wall as he testified in a courtroom or the bloodshot eyes of a suspect sitting across the interrogation room table. Then there were the pale blues and greens of friendship and family throughout his life. The powder blue dress that his little sister had worn to her first school dance that he had teased her about, the navy uniform surrounding him when he finally graduated from the police academy, the bright blue of Ryan's eyes and the brilliant green of hers. He found himself however unable to define all the other feelings and experiences swirling around in his universe.

Javi never usually asked himself these kinds of questions.

But there was something about Kate Beckett that made him want to know all the answers.

* * *

><p>She loved it when he spoke her in Spanish.<p>

Those nights tangled together in between the sheets, high off each other's passion, he would twist his breath around the most complicated phrases he knew just hear her sigh in contentment or break out in fits of laughter.

God she had the most gorgeous laugh.

It wasn't one that filled the whole room, but rather bubbled quickly and quietly, you had to be close enough, and privileged enough, to hear its sweet melody.

He can't remember on which heat filled night he decided to make it his mission to make her laugh and smile as much as possible but the intention was still the same.

Anything to make Kate Beckett's dark and cloudy world a bit brighter.

* * *

><p>One night he took her dancing.<p>

It was just at a little salsa club he knew a couple of blocks from his apartment. The look of excitement on her face when he told her his plans for their evening was contagious. She told him she'd need to duck home quickly and change before their date and then showed on his doorstep like she had just stepped out of one of his fantasies. A little black dress that barely only reached her knees and a plunging neckline that he couldn't tear his eyes away from. Her black smoky make up made those piercing green eyes even more formidable.

"You ready?" she smiled, those white teeth gleaming.

Damn she was incredible.

They spent most of the night dancing and drinking up the hot summer night atmosphere. Or mostly him watching her move her body so erotically that he just wanted to rip that slip of fabric off her and take her then and there.

The girl had rhythm.

It was nice seeing her so out of her usual work mode, here he could watch her dance, laugh and smile without a care.

He liked that he was the one to bring that side of her out.

* * *

><p>A memory that never failed to make him laugh was the one when Ryan was completely hammered and tried to hit on Beckett while they were all out for drinks.<p>

"Beckett's into me, right?" he slurred leaning against Javi to keep his balance.

"Totally Bro, you should go talk to her." He humored him not expecting the plucky, but rather drunk, Irishman to actually go do it.

Javi could only hold back a snort of laughter as his partner stumbled over to the table where Beckett had her nose stuck in one of those damn mystery novels. She looked up curious as Ryan tried his best to look cool, propping himself up against the booth and giving her his best sultry stare.

"You feeling alright Ryan?" she asked slipping her book away and trying to figure out what he was up to.

"Oh I'm feeling gooood Detective."

"Right."

Several slurred pick up lines later Ryan had collapsed onto Beckett's lap and was telling her how beautiful she was into the folds of her shirt.

That boy could not hold his liquor.

"C'mon bro." Javi sighed as he helped Beckett pull the drunken rookie off her lap.

They shared a quick smile before he pulled Ryan to his side and helped him out of the bar and into the nearest taxi still holding back laughter.

* * *

><p>She was one of the first people at the twelfth that he felt truly comfortable talking to about his time in the forces.<p>

He didn't often say much. Occasionally contribute a bit of his experiences to her. She always understood. She had this amazing amount of empathy, something he had never found in another person he'd ever met. She never looked at him with pity for his traumatic past. She just listened. She knew when he wanted to have the subject pushed some more or to let it hang in the air.

He could always just be himself with her. Between her and Ryan he felt the hole in his chest that his old partner and team had left being filled more and more every day.

* * *

><p>He didn't know what he hoped to become of their hook ups.<p>

He had no way of predicting when and where they would happen.

Usually it was after a case. Their passion fueled by alcohol and a craving for another human being's company.

Sometimes it was on a quiet afternoon of work when they would just lie together in her bed, naked and tired, talking about nothing in particular but all the while learning where each other's ticklish spots were.

He wouldn't call her his girlfriend, no, of course not. They weren't like that.

He wasn't her dirty little secret, he thinks. It wasn't like they were sneaking around, they flirted a bit at work but she was way too professional to ever acknowledge that he had memorized every inch of her in passion filled nights.

They weren't in love. Well least she wasn't. He knew he was her friend. Someone she knew she could depend. He wanted to be that person, he wanted her to know she could count on him for anything, even if was for just a quick fuck.

They never talked about the future.

He should've expected it when their 'adult sleepovers' grew less and less frequent. It's not that they were growing apart. Their work relationship was still just a strong (even though he was sure Ryan didn't really realize what was going on between his two colleagues), they were still friends.

It just she no longer needed his booty call services.

He wanted to say he felt violated, that she had used him for sex.

But somehow he felt it wasn't like that. She was just pulling back together the pieces of herself that had got scattered after the break up with Sorensen.

Javi was just a good friend who did a little more than talking.

* * *

><p>Soon enough their little rendezvous stopped all together.<p>

A word about it was never spoken, a look was never shared.

They were still close, still friends. They still flirted and swapped sardonic quips.

But their time together had passed, just like the summer.

* * *

><p>He was still that guy.<p>

Even if Beckett didn't need him in all the ways she did before, he was still her friend.

He wasn't sure if she listened to him when he told her that following up that lead could wait till tomorrow, that she needed to go home, that no one could operate only on a few cups of coffee. No matter what he was ready with a sincere suggestion masked with a joke or casual tone.

He never really wanted to show her how much he cared. Just enough so she would listen.

Not that she ever really did much.

He never usually knew what the problem was ready, the reason why she had simply forgot to eat that day, why that particular suspect riled her up or why she hadn't got any sleep in the past couple of days. No he just only saw the way all these things affected her and felt that familiar protective urge tug inside of him, one that he had had ever since that summer evening on the evidence room floor.

Sometimes he thought that she appreciated that someone looking out for her.

Other times he thought maybe she didn't notice at all.

* * *

><p>When Castle had first breeched their world, Esposito had been amused. Here was this big headed, too rich for his own good, man child ambling around in their case causing all sorts of trouble. But Javi had never seen anyone rile Beckett's feathers so much. It was good for her. And Javi was all but too happy to watch the mayhem unfold.<p>

He hadn't expected the author's presence to become permanent, changing their team dynamic forever.

* * *

><p>Esposito had kept an eye on the two ever since he had found out that after pulling some strings, Castle was here to stay for a good while yet.<p>

He liked Castle. He was a nice guy. Goofy, self absorbed, clever and admittedly very good looking, he was all the things that should drive Kate Beckett insane.

Which they did.

Sometimes when he looked up from what he was working was on he would see her running her hands through her hair trying her best to stop them from strangling the always chatting man beside her. When they were out on the field taking down a suspect, the writer was a never ending source of entertainment, unphased by the seriousness of the situation preferring to crack a joke or stupid comment whenever possible. He bought a new aspect to the team's dynamic, made things more fun. Esposito genuinely liked having him around.

Castle's infatuation with Beckett didn't really bother him simply because he thought her feelings for the writer didn't go much past a slight attraction. That she found him much to annoying to ever see him as any sort of romantic potential.

How wrong he was.

* * *

><p>Nikki Heat.<p>

In a way, it was kind of perfect for her. When Castle had first told them of the character she had inspired Javi's mind raced to those nights he had spent with her. She knew how hot she was, she knew how much men wanted her, but yet she kept them all at an arm's length, even the one's she let into her bed.

Yes, it was kind of a perfect name for her on the page alter ego.

* * *

><p>He couldn't pinpoint exactly when he saw the change between her and Castle. It wasn't some particular defining moment, rather just many smaller moments woven into the countless hours he saw the two spend together. Those times when he watched theorize as if they were two parts of the same brain or when the writer seemed to know the exact words to say to brighten her day. The flicker of affection he saw flash across her face when she felt Castle walking just behind her, always following, like some sort of lovesick puppy.<p>

What the two of them had was far more then the meaningless hookups Esposito still thought about in the quiet of the night. Maybe he should be jealous, angry or torn. But in all honesty he felt kind of glad that Beckett finally had someone who could keep up with her.

Even if it wasn't him.

* * *

><p>He had a hard time believing that Beckett hadn't seduced Castle yet and made him addicted to her touch and taste for life. Javier's romantic experiences were mostly centered around the beast with two backs and all the wonders it brought with it so he found himself at a loss to see how their relationship worked. Sometimes he found it hard to be in the same room as them because of the insane amounts of unresolved tension positively bouncing around the room.<p>

He could see how tangled up in each other's lives they were. He knew that Castle was closer to her than he had realized when the writer first came to him and Ryan about Beckett's mother. These realizations were even more solidified when Beckett let that prying man back into her life after he had messed around in hers. They moved in layers, dancing under and across each one to find some common ground, sometimes they fell off but soon returned to the same tactics.

The morning he and Ryan turned up at her apartment to find a dead body, Beckett in her jamies, pancakes and a very scruffy looking Castle, assumptions were clear to be made. The man however still remained adamant that nothing had happened between the detective and himself (as always). Javi joined in with Ryan gleefully teasing the writer, trying to make him give up details about the supposed scandalous affair that had taken place (he wasn't quite sure though why he was so insistent about getting Castle to share details of the night, considering Javi knew off by heart the way that Beckett's naked body moved and writhed against the soft surfaces of the very couch they were standing behind).

* * *

><p>The night Kate's apartment blew up and they found Castle there once again 'protecting' her, Javi found he didn't mind so much.<p>

It was actually a relief to know he wasn't the only one on duty looking out for the unshakeable Detective Beckett.

* * *

><p>Javier was always straight with Beckett.<p>

He knew she could handle the truth, whether it was one of their arrested suspects had avoided jailtime due to a system failure, or simply the occasional case of smeared lipstick after a quick 'meeting' with Demming in the hall.

He tried his best to always to say what needed to be said, even if she didn't want to hear it.

That's what compelled him to go up to her that night, under the dull gloom of the precinct lighting reflecting off the murder board. She looked so fragile in that moment when he broke it right down for her that she needed to stop leading Castle on. The look on her face was so vulnerable all he wanted to do was grab her by the waist and remind her that once upon a time she had looked at _him _like he was all she ever needed.

But he didn't do that. What she wanted, what she needed, was that blasted author who was actually no better at words than anyone else. Javi was her friend. If she needed a little help with opening her eyes to see what was right damn in front of her, he'd be that person to help her.

* * *

><p>It was both their faults, the reason why Castle left (with one had around his ex-wife's waist, the other crushing Kate Beckett's heart).<p>

Their complex game had finally crumbled around the edges, shooting cracks through it's core and Javi could only watch in silence as Beckett stood out in that hallway completely broken and humiliated.

He couldn't help but feel a little guilty. That maybe if he hadn't forced to face up to the thing she had been running around for a whole year, stayed with that tool of a boyfriend, she might not have ever had to face up to this sort of heartbreak.

Then again maybe he had had no play in at all. A game and it's players too complicated for him to even comprehend.

* * *

><p>Kate Beckett could be described as many things.<p>

Once comparison Javier liked to draw to was one of a jigsaw puzzle. Her pieces were jagged and broken, but when all placed together in the right way would show such a stunning image all you could was stare in wonder.

Richard Castle had seen the exact same thing. Like the toddler he was, he came in and messed around with the seperate parts, studying their appearance and what they did, and then slotted them strategically together to create yet another different, but still as amazing image.

And then decided to slam right through jigsaw, scattering pieces everywhere, not caring where they landed or who had to pick them up.

* * *

><p>The Beckett he knew wasn't a romantic.<p>

She had a clear view of the world, it's mechanics and flaws. Human relationships were important to her, the comradely between workmates scene to be the most important to her. He remembers fondly late nights around a box of pizza and stacks of files laughing and poking fun at some of the ludicrous people and couples the three of them had met during that case. The sheer ridiculousness of having 'eternal devotion' to someone as Ryan had quietly put it one night only to be laughed off by Beckett and himself.

Maybe that's why that's why it scared him so much to see her heartbroken.

* * *

><p>One unbearably hot summer evening he took her out for a beer.<p>

It had become a regular habit since her writer had left.

Lanie had told him to keep an eye on her, that she acted like she was fine, but that wasn't often the case. Of course Javi knew all that already and didn't need the prompt, but it felt easier to validate his actions on another's person's instruction rather than his own messed up feelings.

The two never talked much while they nursed their beers and studied the indentations of the wall across from them.

She was different to when Sorensen had left her. Back then she had been raw, wild and emotional. Now she was calm and closed off but still as vulnerable as she was before, even if not more.

It still surprised him how much Castle had meant to her.

Javi had just settled into his seat when he realized that her hands were trembling against the glass of her beer.

"You alright Girl?" he said expecting her usual brush off and then they could get back to their usual staring contest with the wall with the occasional joke or jibe. That was until he saw the tear roll down her drink.

"Get me out of here Javi." he almost missed her coarse whisper.

Grabbing her hand and coat they whirled out of the crowded pub and out into the warm summer night.

She said she didn't want to go back to the cramped little sublet she had been living in since the explosion so they got a cab back to his place. He walked in, turning the lights on and moving to the fridge to see if he could scratch up a little dinner, wondering if she would just rather crack open the bottle of bourbon he had stashed in the cupboard.

That was until he saw the look in her eyes.

She was in the doorway to his bedroom, those hungry eyes reeling him in yet again, going for the kill.

He knew he should have stopped his legs from basically running over to her waiting form. Kept a control on his mind down below, reminded himself that she was only his friend. Not only that but his heartbroken and hurting friend.

Well that hadn't stopped him before.

And he always thought of summer as their time.

* * *

><p>He could barely look at her the next day in the bullpen.<p>

Luckily he and Ryan had a lot of leads to follow up, jobs out on the feild to do which meant little interaction with her.

She had left his bed the moment he had fallen asleep. He had awoken to an empty apartment, no evidence to show that she had even been there just hours before hand.

There was no way sugarcoating what had happened, like he had last time.

She had wanted sex. Something to help her forget about the huge scars ripping down her heart.

He was a willing male, as well as someone she could trust.

It had nothing to do with the fact that he had been at her waiting call for almost four years now. That he wanted to be there for her, to support her, make a life a little easier.

He hadn't imagined that his job description in her mind basically entailed all his sexual credentials.

Had she ever seen him as anything more as a warm body to keep her from facing the darkness that lurked all around her?

* * *

><p>She cornered him in the break room three days later.<p>

It stuck him how long her hair had gotten, framing her face softly and making her look even more changes to herself, the hair, the makeup, the clothes, in the months that Castle had been here.

Like that while the man child was messing around with the Beckett puzzle, he had bought these parts of her closer to the surface, ready to bloom and flourish under the right care. Yet another aspect of her that he had bought light to.

Here she was still following that script even though her fellow lead had left the scene long ago.

"Javi I, I don't know what to say."

"Don't Beckett-"

"No, what I did, god I'm sorry." she spluttered the words out, trying to keep her professional mask on.

"Look I know you've just been so consumed by the memory of my amazing body all these years but you have really got to try to keep your hands off of me." he jibed trying to keep a grin off his face. He had no idea where this change of attitude had come from. Maybe he had finally realized that their friendship was more important to him them playing the victim.

"Can you be serious for once!" she forced back a laugh and punched his arm.

And just like that they were back to normal.

Maybe it was unhealthy to leave that amount of baggage unresolved but for people whose jobs were to find out the answers, they sure liked to hide in the unanswered questions and unwritten endings.

* * *

><p>Somehow that night made their friendship stronger.<p>

People's minds work in funny ways, one of the many things you learnt as a cop.

You can never quite tell how things are going to work out.

* * *

><p>Castle blew back in with the autumn wind.<p>

Yes the circumstances may have been strange, but weren't they always with Castle?

What the most important thing was is that their Beckett had that glimmer back in her eyes.

* * *

><p>It was almost as if the writer had never left.<p>

* * *

><p>The date was like meeting Lanie for the first time all over again.<p>

Esposito had always liked the sassy medical examiner. She had some spunk, brains and an insane body.

She was kind of perfect to him (or was it just the lack of scars, the ones that had sculpted Beckett into the warrior she was today).

He was always smiling around Lanie, her positive energy was contagious.

He liked the idea of being around her more.

* * *

><p>Johanna Beckett's murder led them down a path more treacherous then he would have ever imagined.<p>

He was certain he'd never forget the sight of his partner's head being plunged under icy water, both their lives at risk.

The reason they were fighting was completely worth it, but it didn't stop him from being terrified.

* * *

><p>He thought that he was right in telling her that she was too strong for all of this, that nothing could ever hurt her.<p>

But rally what she needed was someone to show her that even though it hurt and broke her, she was stronger because of that.

Javi just wasn't that someone.

* * *

><p>He had thought he'd seen the last of the FBI when Jordan Shaw's heels had trotted out of the precinct almost a year before.<p>

That was until Agent Fallon swept into the bullpen, and one of the worst case's of Esposito's life following.

* * *

><p>It had felt slightly absurd to be pulling two frozen people apart when they seemed unconsciously certain to stay tangled together.<p>

It would have been something to joke about in later years if the sight of Kate's face drained of all life and colour in his memory didn't scare him to death.

* * *

><p>He had just managed to get Lanie out of the city. She was a smart girl, she wouldn't be sent away from her home without good reason but eventually he got her to go.<p>

Luckily nothing ever became of that goddamn dirty bomb, just some horrible sides of human nature he was sure he never wanted to see again.

* * *

><p>Betrayal wasn't a thing he had felt in a long time.<p>

But oh god did he know what it felt like.

Maybe feeling that familiar rush of disgust and hate run through his blood had compelled him to slam Ryan, his partner, up against the alley wall that dark night. He hadn't wanted to give into that horrible idea that his Captain was a no good son of a bitch.

He had just managed to rein his emotions in before ramming his fist into Ryan's stomach.

He was glad he stopped.

He doesn't think he'd ever be able to forgive himself if he had seriously hurt one of the only people on the planet he could truly trust.

* * *

><p>People die. This was a fact he could not dispute. His income relied on this natural thing happening on a regular basis.<p>

Sometimes the people close to us die. He knew that too.

That didn't make it any less easy.

It felt like a scene straight out of a movie, that hazy summer day.

The afternoon sun had painted the grass and trees bright shades of green and and gived them a good polish making them positively gleam. The gravestones seemed to light up too, the white dots spread across the knoll, a vivid contrast to the dark things they represented.

All he had wanted to do while carrying the casket through the cemetery was block out the happy surroundings and try and unwind the path that had led them all to this unbearable ceremony.

He had never got to say goodbye to the man he owed so much too.

Apologize properly for ever doubting his wisdom and judgment.

For giving a home when he felt like he was going to be forever lost in a sea of grief and sadness.

That afternoon should have been the place for them all to say their goodbyes to their captain. The beginning of a road to some sort of closure that Beckett had already been on many times before.

But all of that was forgotten as she fell to the ground like a doll, a flower of scarlet blossoming from her chest and flowing on to the sunlit grass beneath her.

* * *

><p>He had to give it to Beckett, she was a trooper.<p>

If he had had to spend almost four months out of action, days spent in physical therapy, different psyche consults making sure she'd be fine to ever return to her job, and the almost impossible task of bed rest.

But she had assessed the situation while lying in that hospital bed in the days after the shooting. Considered her options (being a stubborn cow meaning that it take forever for her to even get back on desk duty, or keeping a straight face and bearing with it and seeing patience pay off in the long run) took into account her recourses (a man-child who completely and utterly in love with her, and who she was quite in love with a fair bit too, who had endless streams of money, lots of goofy friends who could come up with ways to light up her afternoon even if it was a stuffed animal, a basket of muffins to fatten her up or just a silly text message sent during a long work shift, and last of all her own unshakable determination).

She powered through it like everything else in her life.

And she had plenty of people there to catch her whenever she fell.

* * *

><p>Nine weeks into her recovery he got a call from a very exasperated sounding Beckett.<p>

"You've got to get me out of this house Esposito, Castle is going to drive me absolutely insane!"

After briefly taking into account how mad the writer would be at him for whisking his patient away for a couple of hours versus finding Castle's brains splattered across the wall and a gun in Beckett's hands.

Just a few hours wouldn't hurt.

Driving across the city to Castle's loft hadn't taken too long and next thing he knew Alexis was answering the door to him.

"Thank goodness you're here." She sighed letting him in.

"A bit too much TLC?" he grinned at her.

"She didn't want to admit it at first, but she's gone a bit stir crazy." Alexis nodded.

Javi could just imagine Castle going overboard looking after his wounded muse and Beckett who would appreciate his concern but eventually reach her limit.

"She sent him to the store to get gummy bears about fifteen minutes ago. I can handle him when he gets back; it's not going to be pretty." The girl informed him and he could hear Beckett yelling at him from down the hall.

"C'mon Javi, stop gas bagging and help me out." She hollered.

"Yes Ma'am" he winked at Alexis and hurried down the hall to see Beckett.

She was slumped up against the wall opposite Castle's bedroom (Javi didn't want to make any judgments, but he knew that there was a perfectly good spare room upstairs). Her long hair was scooped half heartedly up in a ponytail, stray locks still curled down her shoulders and around her face. She was swamped in a sweatshirt that obviously belonged to Castle and an old pair of jeans. It was so weird to see her with scuffed converse on her feet her instead of her usual formidable high heels.

It struck him how much smaller she'd gotten since the shooting.

Maybe it was just how he looked at her, like she was a glass vase poised to shatter at any moment.

"Stop gawking and help me get my coat on."

Rushing to her side he helped slip the over coat, trying to ignore the way she winced when she moved her shoulders too quickly.

"You going to be okay?" he asked her unsure whether it was wise for her to out of the house for too long.

"Jav, I'll be fine. Stop worrying grandma, c'mon." she snapped walking out the door, only stopping to give Alexis a quick hug goodbye and note for her to give to her Castle when he arrived home to find his patient gone.

He watched her in amusement as she waddled out the door trying her best not to show how much strain it was putting on her body. He followed her down the hallway to the elevator when she finally let herself lean on him for balance. They managed to get out to his car with only him supporting her elbow with his hand. She looked quite pleased with herself once she had buckled herself in and sunk bank into the passenger seat closing her eyes.

He thought she might've gone to sleep as they drove through the city, trying his best to avoid traffic jams. It reminded him of looking after his niece when she was a baby. He had put her into her car seat, drove her around a couple of blocks and she was asleep was within the first twenty minutes.

"Can we stop for a wee while?" her voice shook him out of his reminiscing.

"Sure girl." He smiled pulling the car over at the next park.

They were right across the other side of the city, in a quieter area, but you could still see the lights of buildings twinkling in the night sky.

She managed to get herself out of the car without too much trouble and joined him leaning against the bridge rail that looked over the park below.

He was struck once again how small she looked bundled up in her layers of clothes, even though it was a warm summer night.

It was nice to see her up and about though, not just lying in a bed. He decided that the break and fresh air was a good choice. If only Castle would stop calling him. The beeping in his pocket had started only five minutes after they had left the loft and hadn't stopped ever after he'd put his phone on silent.

"Why hasn't he called you?" he asked her, curious.

She snorted in laughter. "I'm smarter than that, left my phone at home on purpose."

He didn't push the fact that she had called the loft home.

"How's the bullpen?"

"You ask me that every time you see me Becks."

"Well how was it today?" she poked her tongue out at him.

"Same as it was yesterday, and the day before that. Without you and Castle it can get a bit boring."

"Oh, of course."

They stood in silence for a while, just listening to the heartbeat of the city around them and watching it's lights flicker in the dark.

"What's it like off duty?" he asked realizing he never really talked to her about the endless days she had spent resting and recuperating.

"Ah, it's, it's certainly different." She began. "There's a lot of sitting around, reading, eating, watching tv, crossword puzzles which are impossible to do with Castle around." Her mouth twitched with a small smile as she said the writer's name.

Damn the girl had it bad for Writer Boy.

"I can see why he won't stop following us around all the time Jav. Having no real job, no real purpose, it- it doesn't make your life boring, just so laidback. It's horrible!"

"Most people would enjoy being able to do nothing all day, having hoards of money to live off." He replied with a grin.

"Well I guess we're not like most people." She whispered so softly he wasn't sure if he was supposed to hear her confession.

But he knew exactly what she meant. Not everyone had to deal with dead bodies and cold blooded killers on a daily basis. Being constantly exposed to that kind of evil did things to a person. Showed them that you had to savor the gift of life before it was ripped out of your hands against your will.

Live every day like your last, or some sort of bullshit.

Kate Beckett could appreciate these sayings far more than the average person.

He slung an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side. She didn't really fit there like Lanie did. Their bodies curved and dipped in the wrong places to press together easily but he held her none the less. She rested her head on his shoulder and he could almost feel the tension seep out of her.

"Thanks Javi." She murmured into his neck.

"No worries Becks."

He wondered if the people walking the street behind him thought that they were a couple, cuddling and canoodling on the side of the bridge. It was strange even thinking of Beckett as his girlfriend. But he couldn't think of her as a sister either, too many lines had been crossed for that.

He decided on some third option that he himself couldn't even name.

It didn't really matter what they were he decided. Just as long as she was here, and somewhat whole, beside him, he didn't care about anything else in the world.

* * *

><p>When her yawns had gotten too loud to ignore he helped her back to car, despite her half hearted protests that she was fine.<p>

Castle was out on the street waiting for them when they pulled up outside his building. Beckett had basically fallen asleep on the ride back and the two men managed to get her out of the car without waking her too much so now she was standing in Castle's arms, dozing into his chest.

Javi wanted to hate how much of a married couple they looked like, but found he unable was to draw out any anger.

Rick had joked about how good it had been to finally have a break from waiting on Beckett hand and foot and she wearily jibed back but was too sleepy to really try.

"Thanks man." Castle called back to him as he walked himself and her back into the building. Javi nodded in reply and then slipped back into his car.

He wondered if Beckett had ever told Castle about their, 'history'. Something told him that she hadn't, just like he hadn't told Lanie. They wouldn't understand, and even if they did, it would only cause problems.

Some things would just always be between the detective and him.

* * *

><p>Kate Beckett's welcome-back-to-the-twelfth party was quite the night.<p>

The Old Haunt was packed with friends, fellow cops and colleagues. The atmosphere was bubbling and all the patrons had joined in the festivities. Stories and memories simmered amongst the crowd as they teased and laughed with Beckett about finally returning to the job, even if it was just desk duty for the first month or two. When Lanie got the jukebox going and the dance floor was cleared, things got interesting. Cops he only saw a few times around the bullpen were suddenly all crowding the dance floor as if there was no tomorrow. The things alcohol will do to people. Ryan and Jenny were playing the conservative married couple in the corner but still managed to enjoy the party as much everyone else. Beckett, just having beaten Castle in an intense game of pool, walked around the table and planted one right on him in front of everybody. After the wolf whistles and various goodhearted 'get a room' shouts she pried herself out of his hold leaving the writer with the most hilarious look on his face. Javi even found himself applauding the two with the crowd.

The mass of people started to disperse once it got past midnight, 'work in the morning' was the main excuse but it didn't stop the six of them hanging around to help Castle clean up his bar.

The jukebox still played quietly in the background pulling Castle and Beckett out on to the dance floor to sway in time to the music, neither of them having much slow dancing skill, but their rhythm made up for it.

As the music changed to a more upbeat tune Lanie left Javi's side and grabbed Castle away from Beckett and dragging him around the dance floor in a quick pace. Ryan and Jenny, both more than a little tipsy, were roaring with laughter from their seats at the bar.

"Well Girl," Javi winked at Beckett, "You want to show them how it's done?"

She grinned as he grabbed her by the waist and they danced and twirled to the chorus.

Castle and Lanie stopped to watch the two move around the floor, clapping and cheering at their impressive dancing skills.

"We surrender!" Castle laughed throwing the contents of one of the boxes of streamers they'd just finished picking up at them.

Picking confetti out of her hair, Beckett slipped out of his grasp and went over to sling her arm around Castle's waist and press a kiss to his cheek. The writer smiled down at her and declared that they had done a good enough job for tonight and they should all get home and get some sleep before facing the hellish hangovers they were going to have tomorrow.

Ryan and Jenny offered to share a cab so the four of them gathered their things and gave Kate a few more wishes of good luck for going back to work on Monday and clapping Rick on the back for making it through her recovery without getting himself killed.

Javi only turned back for a moment as the four of the walked out of the Old Haunt door. Castle was behind the bar cleaning up the last of the empty glasses and Beckett was sitting in the regular stool watching him adoringly as he worked.

This was the way it was meant to be he was sure as he felt Lanie's hand squeeze his own as they waited for a taxi in the crisp night air. They'd both found their own perfect. His mind wandered to the little velvet box in the top drawer of his desk in the precinct, just waiting for the right time to give to his favourite medical examiner.

He was happier than he had ever been at the 54th. Ryan was the best partner he could ever ask for. Lanie was more than he ever deserved. Castle was always there to make things a little bit brighter. And Beckett, he didn't know what to say about her. The woman who had found a true ally in, a friend, someone to fight beside. He wasn't hers, but that didn't stop him from some days dreaming when once upon a time she could've been.

Javi guessed he would just always be a little bit in love with Kate Beckett


End file.
